An eternal question; one that has plagued mankind for decades. Sure, there’s the school of thought that goes “wear whatever, it’s an ugly sweater party!” We hear you, but we think you’re better than that. In fact, we’d like to suggest an alternative strategy, go for broke. Get styled up like it’s a dinner meeting with the Pope and treat that sweater with the respect it deserves. Here’s how to dress that Ugly Sweater to impress.
1. Wear a Collared Shirt & Tie Underneath
Your gut says t-shirt but we say “hell no”, and we’re not here to play by the rules dammit! If you want to look classy and handsome, sport a collared shirt and tie underneath your sweater. You might think no one will notice, so it’s not even worth it--but that’s not true at all. While everyone else will likely have t-shirts underneath, the little extra pop of style you exhibit will make you look like the most handsome fella underneath the mistletoe. Plus drinking with a tie on just feels right. Mistletoe you say?
2. Make Your Hair Count
No, not your chest hair, your hair hair. Yes, on your head. (How is this not clear?) We generally spend time on our hair when we go out on a date or out with the boys, but when we’re headed to an Ugly Christmas Sweater Party, sometimes we subconsciously allow ourselves to think that the ugly should apply to more than just the sweater. Don’t be lazy and think, “It’s just an Ugly Christmas Sweater Party, I don’t need to waste time getting all dolled up.” Wrong. Yes, yes you do! You never know who’s going to be there, you may meet your first ex-wife or a celebrity like Steven Segal. Obviously, you want to out-hair Steven Segal and he’s got a ponytail.
3. Jeans? No. Slacks? YES.
Most people at the party will likely be wearing jeans. Losers! Sure, most people think “casual” when they hit a party like this, but dammit, you’re not most people. You’re classy every damn day, classy from the minute you wake up until the moment your head hits the pillow, why should this seasonal social occasion be any different? So yes, slacks are clearly the gentlemen’s choice.
4. Shoe Game Son
It may be snowing outside, but don’t come to the party wearing whatever ugly boots you have that are best for trekking in the snow. Those Sorels are fine for Sunday morning’s coffee run, but your Christmas groove deserves something special. Rock a nice pair of dress boots or, if you really want to put out the vibes, a slick pair of smoking loafers. Did someone say mistletoe?
5. Accessorize Like A Kardashian
Accessories are key to a great ensemble, but as men, our accessory options are far less numerous than they are for the ladies. That means it’s time for your nicest watch. Your ensemble deserves something better than that Fitbit, so don’t be afraid to bust out the family heirloom or your fanciest Timex.
Now that we’ve helped lay the groundwork for an evening of sartorial success, how’s about you fix us up a cocktail? Now where’s that mistletoe...